It's Okay.

To you who are reading this post, I would like to tell you something.

Please do always remember that it is okay to have flaws and is okay to be imperfect. 

If you are perfect and if life left no lessons to be fulfiled, what is left for us to gain?

Throughout all these years, people keep on judging me for being cold, emotionless, arrogant and unapproachable...But, what they truly know about me?

I know that I am apart of the reasons for why relationships that others shared with me did not last for long. I blame myself for all my failed friendships and for the people who turned their backs on me.

For years, I have been practising self beating, thinking that I'm not a worthy person to be loved and to be kept beside. I was unhappy. But, for now, in the age of 22, I began to realise that others did not deceive me but I was not being kind to myself. I was unconfident and had a lot of self doubts. I regretted for being harsh on myself.

I used to think that if I treated people around me wholeheartedly, they will love me back. I was wrong. I was naive, but I did not blame them. I can't force people to value me. That's their choice and that does not says that I am not good enough.

If you are important, the one who loves you might not tell you how much you mean to him or her, but he or she will find ways to let you know. He or she will make you feel secure and will not allow you to feel that you are not good enough.

It is funny to see that how people tell you that they love you, appreciate you and thankful for the things you did, but in real life, they did not take any actions to show that they value you. Words are meaningless if actions were not taken. I can tell you that you are my world, but I treated you like someone less important, so, are my words still trustable?

Walk away if you feel that you are not needed. To love, does not signifies that you should lose self respect and forget about self worth. Be kind to yourself and be happy. Once you are good in loving yourself, then only you can love things and people around you sincerely.

 I am reserved and not good in opening myself up to others.

But, I have a big heart and I am caring. 

I love myself even though I have flaws.

I am positive even though I have been through bad times.

If you really love me, Take Me As I Am.

If you can't, the door is always there. 

:)

Self-Centred

People around me always advice me to be more selfish, make myself my own priority and always put myself first before others. This is because if I don't take a good care of myself, ain't no body is going to do that for me. 

Selfish? It's a part of human nature. Everybody is selfish. 

However, being selfish, doesn't mean that you have to be self-centred. 

So, how to differentiate selfish and self-centred? 

In my point of view, being selfish is by taking care of ourselves and don't really mind about others.

However, being self-centred, is not just taking care of ourselves, don't bother about other people, instead exploiting them, make use of them and sacrifice them whenever they are no longer needed. 

Being self-centred is not learning on how to love others, but always expecting others to love us and help us to do things for the sake of our own convenience.

I have met a few self-centred people in my life and all of them own the same characteristics.

A self-centred person is someone who give a little, but always think that he or she has given others the whole world. This kind of person always feel unappreciated and extremely whiny. If he or she gave you an apple and you returned him or her hundred dollars, it will not be enough. 

A self-centred person always direct the blame towards another party. This kind of person never thought about having self reflections and always think himself or herself as the victim of every situation. Sometimes, he or she might even practice self pity and wonder why that there is no one to bear with his or her personality. He or she always demand attention and high tolerance from people around. The thing is, this world is about give and take. A heart will eventually grew tired if it loves too much and get nothing in return. Nobody likes to make a whole lot of effort just to please a person who never knows how to love back, but just know how to love himself or herself. 

"We often think that we see the world as it is, but in fact we see the world as we are." This is a quote which I would really like to send to all self-centred beings that I have came to know all my life. A self-centred person is often dramatic and likes to exaggerate things. 

Besides, a self-centred person is afraid to be left alone but luckily, this kind of person has a lot of egos, so he or she can still survive in any situation. A self-centred person knows how to manipulate and exploit people around because this kind of person knows well in how to save his or her own ass. Once he or she is done with you, you will be thrown away as you are no longer valuable and are no longer useful. A self-centred person possess good speaking skills and knows rhetoric well. He or she is often persuasive and knows well in finding the right time to let out the bait. 

A self-centred person seems to be dangerous, but in fact, he or she is not.

In order to defend yourself when you ever encounter with a self-centred person is by not being afraid to stand your own ground and be mentally prepared from all hurtful words and disrespectful treatments. 

A self-centred person only target on those who have low self-esteems and uses your own fears and your lack of self confidence to manipulate you. However, once you are bravely enough to fight back, he or she may not respect you fully, but at least, he or she will back off a little. 

Sometimes, even though, you don't feel like offending anyone or trying to keep everything in a harmonised state, still, when someone came in and threatened your confidence or even make you feel bad for defending yourself, don't be. If you are unable to defend yourself because you are afraid of things, then you will never be free from getting used by others. 

Be Brave, Trust Yourself and always Remember Who You Are. 

Small

Hey, Peeps!

I think that it has been a year since I last wrote on this blog.

My English became a bit rusty…Hence, pardon my rusty English.

University life is as busy as ever, a little bit hectic… I must say. 

However, I think… Being busy is better than being free. 

Cause' at least being busy, I will have lesser time paying attention on unnecessary things.

For this semester, I have been assigned as marketing director for Project KEBATIM and treasurer for MASSAC. For sponsorships, I have been pushing my committees like crazy and manage to find some sponsors within a month. I'm feeling grateful because most of them are well established companies. All of them are sponsors on benefit in kinds, but I'm still thankful. At least I have settled sponsorships on items and now,  I just need to focus on sponsorships in terms of monetary. 

For studies, I was a bit upset when SKR disapproved my application for extra credit hour. Worried that I couldn't finish my degree on time. However, after thinking through it…Maybe this is better for me. For this semester, there are so many things going on… So, I think it's better not to burden myself too much. 

Hmm, been a little bit emotional lately. 

I think this is all because of the side effects of being stressed out.

Losing myself little by little, I have tend to get upset easily by minor things.

Even over think a lot of things…

Or maybe I'm not confident enough with the decisions that I have made…

Too much self doubts, too many uncertainties…

It's time to stop being depress and start working hard on the right things. 

I have been complaining a lot lately too on my Insta Story. 

A little bit ashamed of myself for being negative. 

So, a new resolution for me is to stop complaining and try to love every experiences gained wholeheartedly. 

Oh Ya, and in my department, most of my juniors don't know who I am.

It's understandable as I'm a low profile person, but still, it is ridiculous for them not knowing me as the treasurer for MASSAC. This is because we have introduced all the high committees on our official Instagram account and also in our Annual Grand Meeting. So, my course mate told me to be more open up towards others and allow people to know me more. Hmm…Being too reserved is really a bad thing. I'm too reserved until my existence is not even noticeable. 

Even though I am not shining, it doesn't make me a person without potential.

Everyone has their own potential. 

I may have flaws but my imperfections are things that make me unique.

Even so, I still need to improve myself and become a better person.

I may be unnoticeable by now, but I won't stay this state forever.

My ideas may not be inspiring now, but it will lighten a picture someday.

No point feeling disappointed over things or situations, even though life doesn't go according to plan… 

Things will always improve and so do people.

Realise your own skills and sharpen them.

Realise your own weakness and correct them.

Hold on to your strength and be proud of it.

Change your perspective and practice positivity. 

Be Positive, Stay Happy :)